Josh And Depression Vs. The World: Day 28

I’m thinking of spelling “depression” like this: d3pression. I don’t know what it means, but it feels like the name of a tech start-up company that specializes in depression.

Whenever I’m feeling too good, I like to remind myself that the process of getting the “hang in there cat picture” taken probably involved a degree of animal abuse.

I’ve found out something about myself that is refreshingly aggravating. One of the ways I escape depression is by being stressed and overwhelmed. It reminds me of something my mom taught me: the best way to get rid of a problem is to get a bigger problem. That has become the Snyder Credo.

The distressing thing about this cycle of behavior is that there is never a time where it stops. This is partly why, whenever I go to visit my parents or I take any kind of vacation in which I am not being paid to worry for a specified time, I physically and emotionally crash. So I can add stress to my list of addictions.

I used to want to have the ability to fly. Now I want to have the ability to not be bothered by other people flipping out at me. There’s your next member of the X-Men. He or she or [insert correct gender pronoun here] is a character with very smooth and slippery shoulders. I think superhero’s name would be “Hey, No Worries” Man.

MAGNETO: You are a pathetic coward with no hope of joy in your life.

HEY NO WORRIES MAN: If that’s you’re opinion, who am I to contradict you?

But, alas, I do not have that power.

During the last session with my second therapist, he told me that he was most concerned about my worrying. Which, if you think about it, is perhaps not the best thing to say to somebody who worries. But on the other hand, he was being honest, and that’s probably important.

I have inherited this magical thinking from my mother: if I am afraid that something is going to happen, I deal with the fear by worrying about that thing in the hopes that the worrying, in it of itself, will cause that bad thing not to happen. We’ve essentially crafted our own religion. We should get it trademarked. Our version of the Old Testament is the first season of Courage the Cowardly Dog.

I’m sure there are proven techniques in dealing with stress. The night before last, I was so stressed, I couldn’t fall asleep. A the end of the day, the only thing that made me feel better was watching some Worf episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. So I literally took two episodes of TNG and called myself in the morning.

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