Josh And Depression Vs. The World: Day 31

I was hoping today would be the last day for this blog, and that, by writing about depression, I would come to some kind of enlightenment. The opposite has happened – I’ve come up with new reasons for being depressed, and I’m very excited to share them with you!

I’ve never been in love. And I define “being in love” as being in a relationship where I am as attracted to the other person as they are to me.

Sorry- as I’m writing this, a man is walking by who is wearing sunglasses on his lips. Perhaps I was catching him mid-adjustment. I’m not sure. It never occurred to me that I should be protecting my lips from UV light. But it’s probably not a bad idea.

Where was I? Right, never having been in love. How could I forget?

Again, sorry to interrupt, but the couple sitting next to me is having an inane conversation about something funny that the woman is reading on her phone. Am I secretly jealous of them? Say what you will about the flaws in their relationship, they have found each other in the darkness of the chaos of the universe, and their mutual affection has created a beacon of hope in an otherwise desolate and unforgiving realm. Now the guy is coughing. Disgusting. Oh, God, now he’s talking about the NFL. Somebody please beam these people away. I can always tell when I’m tired by how I can’t block out worthless conversations around me.

Back to never having been in love – I’m beginning to think I’m avoiding this topic by being annoyed with the outside world… now the guy is saying that the way to “fix it” is for everybody to boycott the NFL, and at first I thought she could care less, but now she’s following along and adding to the conversation – but here is the question – is she adding onto the conversation for the sake of preserving the marriage, or is she genuinely interested in the machinations of the NFL? No one can say for sure. Thank God, they left. Now, where was I…

Right, I’ve never been in love. Too bad they’re gone. Now I have no excuse but to deal with the fact that I have never been in love. But this is the problem. I look at that couple and I think to myself – is this the end result of love? Is this the happily ever after? Is there even such a thing as happily ever after, or does “happily ever after” simply mean “not getting divorced and waiting to die?”

What would be the steps that I would have to take to find a true love?

1 – clean my room.
2 – make time in my life to be with another person.
3 – give up on my dreams.
4 – be ok with always being aggravated.
5 – be ok with being bored.
6 – get back on Tinder.

I don’t think I’m in a positive and healthy mindset for this kind of a situation at this time.

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