I was hit with a crashing wave of loneliness this morning, but fortunately I’ve got enough of a sugar high to power through it.
I’m thirty-six years old, and I don’t know what to do about this dating situation. Aside from the fact that I never date and I vacillate between not want to talk to people at all and wanting to have a terse, five minute conversation, I feel like I’m at an awkward age.
It doesn’t feel right to date women in their 20’s because I can’t stand being around all that energy and hope.
It doesn’t feel right to date women in their 30’s because I can’t stand being around all that success and maturity.
It doesn’t feel right to date women in their 40’s and beyond because I’m not in good enough shape.
“The grass is always greener.” That phrase springs to mind. Sure, I’m lonely, but I could be in a horrible relationship right about now. Yes, that is true. But sometimes the grass is literally greener.
I don’t want to go on dating websites, I don’t want to go out and meet women, I don’t want to be set up on dates. So that leaves osmosis, I guess. As soon as I can figure out photosynthesis, I’ll be set and ready to go.
Life is what happens when you’re making other plans – that’s what my mom taught me. So, knowing how the world works, I’ll meet a woman right at the exact moment when I do not want to meet anybody. Right at the exact moment when I accept and enjoy being single, and feel totally at peace with the world. The second I reach enlightenment, I’ll suddenly have to worry about waiting until she gets back from vacation to watch Star Trek: Discovery.