Sadly, the only way that I can truly be superior to other people is to accept them for who they are. The only solution, then, is to strive to be inferior.
Nobody is serving me at this moment. It’s midnight and I’m at a restaurant. They probably only have one server. But on the other hand, a security guard with an earpiece made eye contact with me. You’d think he’d radio to the staff. If I finish this blog and nobody waits on me, then I think I’ll just leave.
The only problem with leaving is that I will go to 7-11, and that – the server just walked up to me, so it looks like I’m eating here. I’m thinking I’ll get the fish sliders – that way, I’ll die from high cholesterol in my late sixties instead of my early sixties.
I try to order salads. I really try. I look at the salad menu. It’s the same feeling as looking at your work email. I’m already pissed at the title.
I ended up getting the fish sliders. I’m telling myself that fried fish served on a bun with enough gluten to destroy Los Angeles is a healthy option.
Now I have to go fall asleep by counting the number of ways I can die.