Josh and Depression: Day 50
Another day, another constant reminder of how nothing is that great.
Today, my depression feels like a protective blanket. I don’t want to feel joy. Joy is too mercurial. It’s here today, and gone tomorrow. It’s the McRib of emotions.
So why embrace joy when it will inevitably leave? But on the other hand, why embrace sadness when it, too, will inevitably leave? Joy has ruined my sadness on a few occasions. Fortunately, my sadness is resilient (I think I get that from my Russian Jewish roots).
The only thing to embrace is nothingness. Pure and total neutrality. Is this what enlightenment is? Not too good, not too bad. Enlightenment is… a granola bar. Is it your first choice? No. Is it your last choice? No. It stares at you on the shelf, neither preferring nor deterring. Does it make you feel better? No. Does it make you feel worse? Not really. It gives you gas. Bad gas? No. Great gas? No. I think I’ve got this buddhist thing pretty well figured out.
Or, perhaps, the real value in life is the power of our relationships. Well, that just can’t be. Have you met people?