Josh and Depression Vs. The World: Day 55

I’m really struggling with writing this morning. I must be tired. And/or I’m a no talent hack who is the laughing stock of his peers. Or I’m about to die.

There’s a guy outside who looks like he could either be a professional killer – but we’re in burbank, so he is wearing skinny jeans. He’s killed as many men as trees he has saved by driving a Prius. He has a house in Silverlake with a secret vault. Inside the vault: fifty-five guns – but these guns are eco friendly. The bullets are biodegradable – made out of granola. He not only eats kale, he uses it as an instrument of torture. His name is Archibald Grant (distant relation to Cary Grant). He kills for a living. AND he has a yoga certification.

Maybe I’m not depressed – that’s what I’ve been saying to myself as I long for the embrace of a beloved who may not exist while lamenting the fact that I am not where I want to be in live by any stretch of the imagination while obsessing over exactly what out there is going to kill me.

But now I’m pontificating – I am conjuring – I’m trying to invent something. Instead of just being present –

The guy next to me is sniffing – why does this have to happen to me? Why is he sniffing like that? This is untenable. Truly untenable. I don’t want to catch whatever he has.

Archibald Grant’s second car is a Tesla. Of course. He not only kills his targets, but he reuses all the parts of the body.

Change of topic – I’d like to see a Predator movie where the Predator catches Arnold Schwarzenegger, but then immediately releases him because Earth has been deemed a wildlife refuge.

Back to depression. I’m feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety because I know that, in a few moments, something bad is going to happen – it might be a minor bad thing – the printer is out of paper. It might be a major bad thing – the printer says “ready” but isn’t printing. But one way or another, something bad will happen.

Something good might also happen – but what good is good when there is bad?

You can’t have bad without good – can I try that for twenty years and get back to you?

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