Josh and Depression Vs. The World: Day 66
The following are my personal triggers for depression:
Trying to think of a screenplay that’s marketable.
Perhaps I should write a screenplay about depression. I could call it “50 Shades of Gray.” (This last sentence dedicated to all the spellers out there).
I’d want to make it an action movie about depression, but at that point, I’d pretty much be writing Batman.
I’m not sure who or what my protagonist is, but I know he/she/it will be played by Paul Giamatti.
I want to see a movie about a depressed person in which, at the end of the movie, he’s given up on the world just a little bit more than at the beginning of the movie. He doesn’t get the girl, he doesn’t get the job. He’s not better, but he’s not very much worse – just a little worse. This is a screenplay just begging to be written by Sam Beckett (the playwright, not the time traveler).
This is a terrible time to be reading Ayn Rand’s the Fountainhead. The main character is an architect who is designs buildings HIS way, and he doesn’t compromise his vision. Do I even have a vision?
My depression is caused by a combination of a lack of other people and too much of other people. In other words, my depression is caused by myself. Look at me taking responsibility for my emotional health. Now I feel more depressed.
I’m so depressed, I have the sudden urge to go to Taos, New Mexico. It’s like that Family Guy joke, where Peter is looking at the Arizona landscape saying “this place is beautiful. I just suffered a serious nervous breakdown.” I don’t know if that was the exact wording of the joke, and I’m too tired/depressed to look it up.
I’ve reached the point where writing about depression is no longer helping me feel better. So there are two possibilities – 1) I will continue writing, and a massive realization will hit me. 2) I will continue writing, and no massive realization will hit me, and eventually I will die, and nothing I have done or will do will really matter. Perhaps it’s a combination of the two.
How do stand-up about depression? I was told that depression is not active enough to play on stage. So I have to learn to be actively depressed. I have to learn to channel energized depression – I have to become the Richard Simmons of depression.
How about if I talk about how there can’t be a God in such a horrible world while breakdancing at the same time? Will that be active enough for you?