Josh And Depression Vs. The World: Day 69

Josh And Depression Vs. The World: Day 69

Some people use a Google Calendar. I allow all the things I have to get done to plague me in the middle of the night.

I saw an attractive woman today. And that is all.

I’m eating the Coffee Bean protein plate. Who says I’m not a risk taker?

I’m eating too much protein. I could give myself a heart attack, and I just realized that I’m not feeling guilty enough about animal cruelty. Good news is, the worrying is burning off all the calories.

It’s a beautiful morning. The birds are singing (screaming fiercely to mark their territory and/or shouting into the abyss for a mate that will never come on this Godless rock).

A lot of people have said loving things to me in the past few days, which can only mean one thing: the conspiracy against me is moving forward.

There’s so much I could do to make my life better (drinking).

I always find something to worry about. The only way for me to stop worrying is to start panicking.

I’m terrified I’m not living the life I want to lead. Then again, if I were rich, I’d be doing exactly what I am doing now, but with my own MRI machine.

Phil Rosenthal says I should travel to get a new perspective. What’s the point? I see myself in Italy, watching people suffer the same as all other humans but with better cuts of meat.

The only cure for me is distraction. It takes a movie like “Aliens Vs. Predators: Requiem” for me to forget my troubles.

It’s about Aliens and Predators fighting in a Colorado town (with Redwood trees???). But, given the title, it should have been a movie about Aliens and Predators fighting while Mozart is trying to finish his Requiem mass.

MOZART: Guys, seriously. I need to focus here.

PREDATOR: It just really bothers me when he doesn’t wipe his mouth.

ALIEN: I have very active salivary glands. What do you want from me?

PREDATOR: Have you heard of a napkin?

ALIEN: This from the Alaskan King Crab face.

PREDATOR: What the hell are those things coming out of your back?

ALIEN: I honestly have no idea. Nobody gives me a manual when I burst out of the chest of some schmuck.

PREDATOR: That’s not your…

ALIEN: Nope. I’ve experimented.

PREDATOR: It’s not, like, a breathing tube?

ALIEN: It’s not a breathing tube.

PREDATOR: Well, it’s got to serve some purpose.

ALIEN: Yeah. It prevents me from sleeping on my back, which is useful because I have sleep apnea.

PREDATOR: I have a mask for that.

MOZART: Please! Shut up! Shut up!

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