Bad today. Just bad. Anticipating doom. Odd, because usually, by Thursday, I’m full on weeping. I must be a day behind on account of Labor Day.
I just wish I, and all the other people around me that I see, could forgive. It reminds me of that song from West Side Story – “Somewhere.” The gang members are singing about how there is a place for them somewhere. The irony is that I’m pretty sure they were singing about the suburbs. meanwhile, we in the suburbs are longing to live in New York City. As gang members. So the real lesson of West Side Story is that everyone dies and nobody is happy.
Then there’s Les Mis.
I’m suddenly really annoyed with flowery dresses – why? Why is this suddenly a thing with me – my mother never wears flowery dresses, and she should be praised for that. Flowery dresses. – what do you think this is, a carnival? You’re on earth. Earth is the Judge Dredd of planets. Dress accordingly! Blacks. Browns. Dark blues, if you feel a little better.
Where was I? Les Mis. I saw Les Mis once. I thought it was so brilliant, I would never need to see it again. Is Predator 2 brilliant? Who am I to judge. However, I have seen Predator 2 at least fifty times.
There are a lot of similarities between Les Mis and Predator 2. Somebody is being hunted. Infrared lasers might be involved. I like to think of Predator 2 as Les Mis, but if Hemingway had written the story. That last sentence, by the way, manages to insult so many dead famous people, I can’t fathom the damage it could do if it fell into the wrong hands.
I want to see the people who produce those Disney Planet Earth documentaries produce one about the suburbs. The suburbs are a habitat. “Join us as we follow the journey of Tim Anderson, a young human middle school kid from a broken home who’s trying not to succumb to the existential sadness that soaks into the lower middle class families in first world countries.”
I barely tolerate red shirts. Aside from the whole Star Trek problem, red shirts are trouble. I don’t typically wear a red shirt because I don’t want to falsely advertise that I have passion.
Vomit green – there’s a shirt color. The woman sitting in front of me is wearing a vomit green sweater – perfect thing to wear on a Thursday morning at a coffee shop while studying for a test to get a degree that will enable you to barely make a living. Yes. Vomit Green. The color of champions.
This is a conversation that happened on Sesame Street several times.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: But what if we DID kill Elmo.
EARNIE: We’re not having this discussion.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Burt would agree with me.
EARNIE: Well, Burt’s not here right now, is he?
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Where is Burt?
EARNIE: He’s at a creative writing workshop.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Really.
EARNIE: He wants to write a novel about William Henry Harrison.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Why?
EARNIE: I don’t know. He’s a liberal arts major. They need projects.