Josh and Depression Vs. The World: Day 89

Josh and Depression Vs. The World: Day 89

My depression level has gone from bad to Marc Maron.

I noticed some folding chairs, which had a striped upholstery pattern. Does that help the folding chair? Are people looking at a folding chair with a somewhat stylish pattern and thinking to themselves “My God, I’m blinded by the luxury.” My fear is that a person who designs folding chairs is reading this – and this is the last straw – the slap in the face that sends this person over the edge – and he hangs himself using one of his own folding chairs.

On the other hand, maybe the person who designed the pattern on those chairs is doing exactly what he or she loves to do – they knew, from the beginning – from age 5 – that their future would involve folding chair upholstery. Imagine a room full of various stripe and checker designs. “You see a folding chair, I see an unfolding dream!”

So I’m depressed. As I have been. Coming up on day 90. Three months of this. Well, more like 36 years. I call it functional depression – I still get up in the morning, but every second of it is horrible.

Face my fears – that’s what I keep coming back to. I have to face my fears. What is coming to mind when I think of facing my fears? Quite honestly – doing a podcast.

What am I afraid of? That I’m just another guy doing a podcast. that what I have to offer isn’t good enough. That I won’t be as good as Seinfeld. But the fact is, I am not Seinfeld. I am Joshua Snyder. And I have to learn to be myself. That way, I can accept and love myself for who I am while simultaneously not being as good as Seinfeld. So it all comes together.

At the end of the novel The Alchemist, we discover that the treasure the boy has been looking for was at the very beginning of his adventure – where he started. Where did I start? Literally, I guess it would be Aurora, Colorado. But metaphorically, where did I start? Anxiety, fear, and depression. So that’s where my treasure is. Great. Just great.

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