Josh And Failure Vs. The World: Day 2

Josh And Failure Vs The World: Day 2

I’m still debating whether or not I should have called this “Josh and Fear vs the world” so I already feel like a failure when it comes to the title. Excellent – we’re on the right track.

I’m going to figure out how to release my CD today, which explains why I feel very tired. I notice that I get tired whenever I sit down to do something that might bring me happiness. The older I get, the more I think my DNA is trying to politely excuse itself from the pool. “Listen, we’re all for the survival of the human race, and that’s why we’re humbly bowing out.”

I’m also going to release the next episode of my podcast today, and I’ve started doing one instagram post per day as well – I’m prepared to do to the social media world what I have done to the real world: have a minor impact on, at any given time, 0-3 people.

I struggle with self-promotion. The last thing I feel like doing is telling the world how great I am when the whole point of my comedic existence is to tell people how horrible I am. So perhaps the solution is to promote myself the way I feel about myself.

My CD: half of it might be good – you might like it, but Seinfeld would not be impressed.

My Podcast: why watch a million dollar movie when you can listen to a depressed Jew talk about Star Trek?

My instagram videos – Yes, I am that alone.

But am I being authentic with you? Of course, what I’m hoping for is that everybody starts digesting this stuff, and then I become rich, and then I can be depressed, but be able to afford a private physician who is on call whenever I have anything resembling a medical question.

Eight views on my last video – there are two ways of interpreting this information. Well, there are multiple ways of interpreting, but only two that I am interested in:

1 – total failure – I want this video to be seen by millions of people. It’s not going viral. I’m probably hash tagging wrong. Nobody cares about the content. There is no hope.

2 – success! – I’m writing what I want to write. I’m putting it out there. I’m a good person. I deserve to be loved.

The second one really rubs me wrong – it’s so Wesley Crusher season 1 of TNG. Not having it.

Perhaps there’s a third way of interpreting this:
It doesn’t matter whether I’m a success or a failure, because there’s not going to be an ozone layer in ten years anyway. That feels right. Now that’s the SNYDER way of looking at the world.

It’s ironic that a person who struggles with failure would even want to be a comedian – every seven seconds, I either succeed or fail – I get laughs or I don’t. And no matter how good I get, the possibility of failure always exists.

Death is the ultimate failure – but perhaps it is not the end. Perhaps death itself is a lesson, and once that lesson is learned, we can travel to the next phase of existence where trifling matters like the ego are no longer of concern or value. Or it’s just a continuation of aggravation, and in the next life, there still won’t be enough free wifi. Who can say?

So what am I doing today that scares me? Releasing this album. That’s the big one. One of these days, I’ll get to the whole fear of intimacy thing. But baby steps.

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