Josh and Failure vs the World: Day 25
Here’s how I failed today: I bombed it at the open mic – why, though? I didn’t believe in what I was saying, and I wasn’t being vulnerable – and I wasn’t present in the room and being honest about what people were giving me – and maybe I just suck.
It’s sick, but I enjoy the challenge of winning over crowds that aren’t quite on board. Half of m felt like screaming and yelling, and the other half stopped me – so I swallowed my emotions. I wasn’t honest – I was upset – upset and frustrated – should I have just shown that instead? Yes – that would have been the riskier thing to do.
But what about being witty? What about actually writing a good joke? What about rhythm and structure? I wasn’t really committed to what I was saying.
Or everything I was saying was perfect and I just lost confidence in myself.
Or, I said to myself “they’re not going to like me” before I even started, and I sealed my fate.
Not feeling particularly hopeful today. Perhaps that’s the other failure. I can’t just shrug my shoulders and move on from this. I have to feel bad until I don’t feel bad.
I have to say what I truly want to say – give my actual opinions on things. It’s one thing to reveal what I’ve done, but it’s another thing to be honest about how I feel about it.