Josh And Failure Vs. The World: Day 29
Here’s how I failed today:
I’m not eating healthy. I hate multiple handfuls of candy corn. Which is an insult to candy. I know this. I recognize this. And still, I have a thing for candy corn.
I shouldn’t have a thing for candy corn – by all rights, it’s a disgusting candy. It wants to be chocolate – it tries to be chocolate – but it fails so catastrophically. The flavor is a mixture of sugar, chalk, and mid 19th century New England wainscoting.
I also failed to move outside of my comfort zone with regard to doing something different after work. I’m trying to get out there – see more of Los Angeles – meet interesting people and somehow find a way to make the situation awkward.
On top of this, I failed to be bigger – to believe that I can focus on writing stand-up and a movie at the same time.
I also failed to edit – I wrote a bit and said “there, I’m done.” And that’s continually plaguing me – I have to edit more – I have to hold myself to a higher standard.
I failed to let go of the fear of my own future – my fear is that, 25 years from now, nobody will want to book me. But as I write this, I realize that as long as I strive to help other people – genuinely strive to help other people as a comedian and as a business person, then I will probably get booked. Right? Oh, wait, there is no God. Sorry – I could do all of that and still end up not getting booked. Thank you, Mr. Sartre, for being my guiding star!
I failed to go up to the attractive woman at Coffee Bean and ask her out. What is the worst thing that could happen? She could shoot me. Well, that’s not the worst thing that could happen – she could kill me slowly and painfully. I’m off my game today.
My desire to find companionship is eclipsed by my desire to not bother somebody.
She is doing work on the computer. She is not interested in meeting somebody right now – nobody goes to Coffee Bean to meet people. We go to Coffee Bean to write screenplays that are ultimately not marketable.
Now I do the thing I always do where I find things about her that I find unattractive in order to make myself feel better about not making a move – in this case, I’m a little concerned about something in the lips – the lips are saying to me “I’m the kind of person who has a temper.”
I have no idea if this is true or not.
But this is the crux of everything, isn’t it? How much of what I want is there if only I ask for it? It’s a challenging question.
But homeward – those episodes of TNG aren’t going to re-watch themselves.
Oh, and even though I haven’t done it yet, I’m about to eat a cookie on top of all of the candy corn. So, I’m really failing when it comes to self-control.