Josh and Failure Vs. The World: Day 38

Here’s how I failed today- I didn’t enjoy myself.

It’s ultimately not that hard to do this. Just take in all the wonderful things in the world, and be at peace with nature – but I was too busy getting one of those Otter Boxes for my cell phone – it’s a thick cell phone cover that says “hey, world, I’ve given up on not being clumsy.”

The Otter Box may well be this decade’s fanny pack.

I don’t know why the phone doesn’t automatically come with this case -these phones seem really fragile- oh, wait – of course, that’s because they are fragile, and the more people drop and break them, the more they have to buy them. The man who has an Otter Box is the man who thinks waiting until 50 for the colonoscopy is the move of a daredevil.

I’ve lost the ability to have fun lately- even the things I enjoy – writing, first and foremost, doesn’t seem fun anymore. Perhaps I’m back in depression. I think, maybe I am.

The key to depression for me is to act as if I weren’t depressed – that is to say, to take actions I would take if I were not depressed. So even though I feel like absolute crap, I’m going to continue writing.

I keep looking for something in the stand-up – specifically – a moment of epiphany. A moment where I suddenly feel like I know what I am doing and I no longer have to try hard. Perhaps this is an illusion. Or, more realistically, there is always room for improvement, and this will never end – well, all things end in death – or not – perhaps people are still writing jokes after death. Heaven could have it’s own version of MAD magazine.

So my course is clear, I suppose. I have to just keep going. It’s like meditation. The practice is simply to continue.

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