Josh and Failure Vs. The World: Day 5

Today, my goal is to focus more on loving others than on being loved. And what I’ve discovered so far is that I much prefer being loved. Loving others is annoying. It’s expensive, it burns calories (but not enough) and what’s the reward, really?

My drug of choice is approval. Do you know how hard it is to quit approval? There should be approval-adone clinics.

Here’s the sixty-four thousand dollar question – what happens when every fiber of my being is telling me that the best way to love certain people is to avoid them? I can’t tell which of my neuroses is operating here – approval, loneliness, fear, or resentment? Who can say. This is unmarked territory.

What does all of this have to do with failure? Failure for me, is the failure to be acknowledged for being of value. But the desire to be acknowledged interferes with the instinct to be good, which, in turn, creates more failure. It’s success-proof. It’s too bad I can’t impose this onto other people. That could be my superpower. I would be “Are You Sure You Know What You Are Doing” Man.

When I was writing about depression, my goal was simply to watch. My goal now is to take action. Even if they are simple actions in my daily life. So my action is to not to be needy – it is ironic that I am needy when one of my desires in life is to be self-reliant.

It’s times like this when I like to quote from a few of the lesser known sayings of Confucius:

“Seriously, go away. I’m working.”

“Treat others as you would be treated, unless you’re kind of a dick. In your case, just be quiet.”

“Remember the golden rule: you’re an idiot.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *