We must learn from our failures. Though I’d rather just be perfect 100% of the time. Why can’t I just be God? That’s my biggest problem in life (I wouldn’t want to be a Greek God – I’m talking Old Testament, “I haven’t got time for your BS” God.)
What have I learned from my failures? Absolutely nothing. I’m still in my 30’s, which means I’m allowed to say I’m an adult and that I know everything. As soon as I turn 40, then I’ll have no choice but to embrace the wisdom of admitting my own fallibility.
Is that entirely true? What have I learned from my failures? I’ve learned that not trying at all is ultimately more painful than failing (unless we’re talking about drinking milk products – then, for me at least, it’s the other way around).
So, here’s the question – what am I not trying to do at all at the moment? I’m not trying to get on Late Night TV as a stand-up. I’m not trying to ask anybody out. I’m not trying to sell a screenplay. So is that what I have to go and do? I suppose it is. I suppose it is.
I read in a book about being a better salesperson that I should go for the no – I should go for a certain number of failures per week – I shouldn’t stop until fifty people have said no to me. In other words, I need to spend about five seconds per day on Tinder – actually, they’re saying no to me without me having to even be on Tinder. Great. I’ve already achieved one of my failure goals! Excelsior!
Getting a late night set on TV – I need to sit down and write out what my set is going to be, and then I need to film it, and then I need to submit it, and repeat that over and over again for years. And by the time I get on Late Night TV, there will be no such thing as TV – five years from now I’m probably going to be submitting my stand-up to a teenie bopper on instagram.
Selling a screenplay – well, first I need to write a screenplay. I have written screenplays in the past, but I have not RE-written them. And lately, I haven’t even had the urge to write one – I just want to write jokes – can I just write ninety minutes of jokes? Ninety minutes of me complaining about things? That’s not so much a screenplay as it is a special. Or I write a screenplay where the main character complains for two hours. So, a Jewish character.