Josh and Failure Vs. The World: Day 9
I failed to hide my general aggravation and outrage today. I want so badly to be enlightened – to be like Professor X ( the older Patrick Stewart version). A kindly presence that doles out prophetic and compassionate words of wisdom.
Which is why I want to see a version of Professor X played by Lewis Black.
I remember telling one of my college professors that I felt bad for being catty with one of the admissions clerks, and my professor said that I’m human. I don’t want to be human. I want to be perfect, so when other people aren’t perfect, I can dangle my perfection in their face.
I’m also failing to eat healthy. I’ve been told that I have high cholestrol – people say “you can take a pill for that.” But what are the side effects of the pill? There’s a running debate in my mind over which is worse for me, the high cholestrol or the treatment. “But it’s safe,” the doctors assure me. In the world of prescription drugs safe = nobody’s gotten sued yet.
How do I define success? I’ve been defining success for myself as having the following:
recognition from my peers
Getting money to pursue my passion.
And I’ve been feeling like a failure every day of my life, as a result. Essentially, I am a failure because I fail to live up to how I define success. So the questions becomes – what would happen if I changed how I defined success? For instance, how should I define success?
I am kind to people
I am true to myself artistically
It would be so freeing to not care what other people think of me – but how to reconcile that with being a comedian, tasked with getting laughs. I can’t go up there and totally say what I want to say and blatantly ignore the audience reaction – OR CAN I?
So maybe that’s the goal this week – to be kind, and to be true to myself. It’s so Disney, I can’t stand it. I know how to feel better about this. It’s so Dr. Who. There, now I feel better.