Josh & Depression Vs. The World: Day 33

And… we’re back in depression. I had a bad set last night. That, coupled with the higher levels of stress in my life, is making me feel very sad and discontented. Late at night, in the Burbank heat, I find myself unable to sleep. I think about how my life is not what I want it to be. I feel alone. I feel like a failure. And then I remind myself that as bad as it is, it’s actually terrific, compared to what’s coming. So, in conclusion, naturally I should be a children’s book author.

But what am I DOING about all of this? What is my action plan? What’s on my vision board? What daily aphorisms am I writing in my power journal? Nothing. Why run away from horrors, when running away only leads to different horrors that I could never have imagined? Better to let the horrors come to me. So, where the horrors of life is concerned, I’m switching from a Next Generation mindset to a Deep Space Nine mindset. Why explore the universe when the disappointment will come to me? I’m saving so much on gas.

The closest thing to relief I feel is when I stop and look at everything that’s happening. When I do that, for a brief moment, I find it all hilarious.

I am absolutely miserable. But so is everybody else. Celebrities are overdosing all the time. Rich people are neurotic over-stressed messes. Middle class people are struggling. The poor are suffering. Mars has the right idea – no life (or very little life) at all.

I want to write a version of John Carter of Mars where John Carter goes to Mars, and there’s nothing there, and John Carter finally has some time to work on that novella he’s been meaning to write.

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