My name is Joshua Snyder, and when I was in middle school, I was diagnosed with “mild depression.” This diagnosis was given to me because if I was diagnosed with “wow-this-kid-is-screwed-depression,” my insurance premiums might one day be higher.
Today, I realized that I’ve been depressed pretty much every day of my adult life. And after all these years of pain and suffering, there’s only one thing left to do: write a blog that hopefully becomes popular enough to make money.
This blog is the antithesis of self-help. I’m probably saying and doing things that are not helping with my depression. In fact, this should be a “how-not-to cope with depression” blog. Here’s the other thing I want you to know about life: it might not get better, kids! So if you, too, are depressed, I recommend you watch an episode of the Care Bears instead. Not because they care, but becuase they have the power to vaporize people with love – which seems imperialistic to me, but what to I know?
I hesitated to write this for a long time becuase I want to be funny about it, and comedy involves specifics, and I don’t want to get too specific about people in my life. But then it dawned on me: the people who I am around are completely different than the people I was around 20 years ago, and nevertheless, I am still depressed. So maybe it’s not them. (Emphasis on the maybe).
I also hesitated to write it because I figured my depression was mild, and that it would only be valid if I was suffering from major depression. But then I began to think about my life: I’ve only had sex with one person, and it took me 32 years to do it. I’m a struggling comedian who has avoided submitting to perform at colleges because they tend to like performers who are lively and upbeat, and I am not that kind of person. So my mild depression is severe enough to prevent me from doing who and what I love. So screw it, I’m writing a blog.
Hopefully you will laugh at this blog, and perhaps, you may cry, but if you remember one thing above everything else, remember this: Highlander 2 is the greatest film of the 20th century.