Josh Vs. Depression: Day 10

I’m feeling better today, but don’t worry, I’ll work on it.

I use humor to cope with depression. So do health insurance companies (they are trying to be funny with us, right?)

What’s hard about depression is that when I am depressed, I don’t feel like I’m in the mood to be funny. I feel like I’m in the mood to write stream-of-consciousness novels, which incurs depression in others. (By the way, in my mind, stream-of-consciousness is a fancy way of saying “I don’t need to go back and edit.”)

What’s scary about depression is that once I fall in to it, I’ll never be able to get out. Maybe that’s what black holes are. Giant pockets of depression in the universe. The black hole in the center of our galaxy represents that time, billions of years ago, when the universe broke up with Sandra.

What’s weird about depression is that it’s the one time in my life when I’m not neurotic about my health. It helps me cultivate detachment – I like to think of it as Buddhism but with a lot more Netflix.

What’s stupid about depression is that it might be genetic. And by “might,” I mean “yes, it’s definitely genetic, talk to my parents for more than three minutes.” Maybe depression is an evolutionary step forward. A dominant trait – for all I know, depression is the reason why I’m here today – perhaps, millions of years ago, on the day lions attacked the watering hole, slaughtering an ancient tribe, the hominid that was my distant ancestor said to himself “I think I’ll sleep in today. I don’t want to go to the watering hole. Sandra might be there.” Of course, the implication of that story is that, eventually, this hominid met somebody else and had children. But I have a terrible feeling it was a marriage of convenience.

What’s embarrassing about depression is that I worry that I will spoil other people’s good times. But that’s ridiculous, because I love it when people around me are miserable. It makes me feel so much better about myself.

What’s annoying about depression is that it keeps me from doing things I love to do, like having imaginary arguments with people in the shower.

What’s stupid about depression is that it detracts from productivity. I have to fight to get out of it. This is the one area where I’m a little jealous of the bipolars. At least they have that manic side that gets them painting the house or building a boat. My two speeds are “depressed” and “cautiously optimistic.”

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