Josh Vs. Depression: Day 20

I’m stressed and overwhelmed, which is one of the only ways that I can avoid depression. In other words, my primary coping mechanism for depression is panic. It sounds like a full-proof plan, doesn’t it?

And yet, a part of me longs to get to point in my life where I live near enough to the beach to feel the salt air, but far enough away to avoid the tsunami and/or rising ocean levels and/or invasion from New Zealand. (Why New Zealand? Because nobody would expect it, to paraphrase the Monty Python bit). And I would sit at a coffee shop every day, and every joke I would tweet would earn me billions – that would be the life. Sometimes I wonder if such a life would lead me to boredom and depression – the grass is always greener, people say. Here’s the thing about the expression “The grass is always greener.” Sometimes, it is actually greener. I’m saying “the grass is only greener” to myself because I’m HOPING it’s not greener. Because if it IS greener, then that will reaffirm that life is hell.

Fewer annoying people are at the coffee shop today – I shouldn’t write that, because as soon as I write that, God will say “Oh, sorry. I’ll get right on it.”

Where was I – sorry, I was fast forwarding to a part of the day where I’m planning on getting frustrated.

Maybe I need to turn my view of self-fulfilling prophecy around. What I don’t mean by that is that I should start focusing on positive self-fulfilling prophecies. I mean, haven’t I made God laugh enough? What I like about focusing on negative self-fulfilling prophecies is that I can choose when and how I’m miserable – it’s like “On Demand” for depression. The alternative is letting the outside world affect my mood- I refuse. By the way, mark your calendars for the 25th. That’s going to be a whopper of a downer. What will be the cause? Let’s go with the old reliable “I hope my epididymitis isn’t getting worse.”

I’ve also been wondering how much further I should take this blog. Theoretically, I could write this every day for the rest of my life. But then this thought crosses my mind: what if I am no longer depressed? Because I refuse to write a blog about being happy and fulfilled – I wouldn’t wish that blog on my greatest enemies.

SKELETOR: It was horrible.

EVILYN: what happened?

SKELETOR: He-Man forced me to read his happy journal.

EVILYN: You must be avenged.

SKELETOR: Yes. Summon Hordac. And the Snake Men. And Steve.

EVELYN: Who’s Steve?

SKELETOR: He’s the barista at Starbucks who tries really hard to be cheerful, but you can tell that he’s broken inside, and as a result, he comes off as really annoying. We need to put him on the front lines.

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